Channeling his inner Yoda

On Tuesdays, I go have beer with the guys. Beth asked me this afternoon if I could not drive tonight.
Me: I'll try, but I think it might be my turn.
Drew: Dad. There is no 'try'. Only 'do'.

Nothing is Impossible

At the hockey game last night...

M:  Drew, the Silvertips are losing, 7 to 1.  They can't win, it's impossible.
D:  No, it's not impossible.
M:  7 to 1.  Impossible.

D:  No, dad, not impossible.  Improbable.  Not impossible.

Teleport?

Yelled down the stairs:  "Abby just broke the laws of physics.  She pooped in my room while the door was shut!"

TTBS: Uncle Jaysee Edition

I love my brother in law, Jason, to death. He's one of my favorite people, truly. Drew loves him, too. Until recently, his stated career goal was to be a heavy equipment operator and work with Uncle Jason (this has recently been usurped by "working at Microsoft, because they have Nerf battles every day" -- I'm pretty sure Mike does some work there, but also, epic Nerf shootouts with his workmates).

So, in honor of "Uncle Jaysee," as he was known when Drew was a wee bitty, I present two recent Drew-isms.

Drew strolls out of the bathroom, and says, conversationally, "Fuck!"
B: Excuse me?
D: Fuck.
B: That's what I thought you said. *pauses* Where did you learn that word?
D: Uncle Jason.
B: Aah.


In Fred Meyer, at the customer service kiosk, returning a toy:
D: My Uncle Jason likes that kind of chew! *points*
Clerk: Uhhh....okay?

Planning for the Worst

Not your typical TTBS post...

Drew and I were discussing why our dog Abby can't have puppies; this led to a discussion about humans, uterii, and those among our acquaintance who have had a hysterectomy.

"Mom. If I get sick, and then I die, it's good that you still have your uterus. Because then you could have another baby."

"Drew. No other baby could ever replace you if you died. You're it for me, no more babies."

"Well. Let's try not to let that happen, then."

Vacuum Man

The other day, Drew needed something to carry a couple of small toys; I suggested he go get his vacuum bag, a small, handled bag I made for him with a (surprise!) applique of a vacuum cleaner on the front. Thus began a discussion about Drew's two-year long obsession with vacuums. I had forgotten a lot of this, so I decided to write it down. It started when he was about a year and a half old; suddenly, he spent a lot of time looking at and talking about our vacuum cleaner.

Over the next few months, his obsession continued. Sunday mornings, as I read the paper, he would ask for the "macuum" section, and I would dutifully tear out the ads featuring vacuum cleaners for him. Any trip to Costco, I built in an extra twenty minutes so he could fondle the new models in the "macuum aisle." My dad was left in charge of Drew while I was at the hospital for my niece, Alexis' birth; on my suggestion, he took him to Ace Hardware for a tour of their floor-cleaning section. I turned to etsy for a t-shirt that would express his love. Christmas and birthday gifts were easy; at one point we had two toy vacuums and a toy dustbuster. He liked to take a turn when it was time to vacuum our carpets, but I'm sad to say his love of vacuums didn't extend to obsessive USE of the item. And, after a couple of years, his interest petered out. Apparently this phenomenon is not uncommon. In any case, Drew really enjoyed hearing all the things I could remember about this odd, quirky time in his life, and I had a good laugh remembering.

Vignettes

Earlier this week, Drew was invited on a quick grocery trip with our neighbor Lisa and her two daughters. As they were checking out, Drew deadpanned to the checker, "She's not my mommy. She stole me from my mommy."

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Just now, "Can you be a sweetie and get me set up with my dulce de leche?"

Potty Mouth

D: Mom, today at school I put my tongue on the urinal.
B: *gags* WHAT!!!!???? Why, WHY would you do something like that????
D: I'm practicing to be on "America's Funniest Home Videos."