Pot, Meet Kettle

Drew was at his friend Gibson's house earlier today, and at one point Gibson's brother Grady was having a bit of a meltdown. Drew was there to share this astute observation:
"What a sad, sad child."

The Murray Video

More on the Senator

On the heels of his Patty Murray outburst, I offer this little gem:
I was sitting here watching the Murray-Rossi debate, when Drew came downstairs from his bath, and, prompted by Mike to butter me up so I would come up and read a story to him, said, "Mommy, did you know that I love you, and that you're beautiful, and will you come read me a story, HEY! That's Patty Murray!!"
Later...
"She votes for special agents."

Siblings

Drew has been talking about siblings a lot lately; he wants one. I've reminded him that he does, in fact, have a half-brother (my birth son, Michael, who lives with his adopted family not far from us).
"Is he my half brother or my real brother?"
"Both. Your half brother is your real brother."
"Hmm. Same mommy, but different daddies, right?"
"Yep."
"AWKward!"

Beatdown

To his opponent, before a sparring match at karate this morning:
"You're going DOWN!"

Political Mouthpiece

Sitting at lunch:
"Call Senator Patty Murray and tell her she's helping the wrong Washington!"

Burning Rubber

Drew recently learned how to ride his bike without training wheels; he still likes a little help getting going, however. So today, after a few turns around the cul-de-sac, he turns to me and says, "Hey mom, hold my bike," gets off the bike, leans down, and smells the front tire.
"Yep, it's burning!"
Slow down, kiddo, you're growing up so fast!

Well, Duh.

Drew has a bad habit of turning on a TV show, then wandering off and ignoring it while his short attention span bounces around the house. However, if you try to turn off the show, he freaks out and insists he's watching it. Mike tried to demonstrate Drew's lack of attention to the TV tonight, saying "If you're watching the TV, then what are they doing on Scooby Doo right now?"
In his best DUUUH voice, Drew replied, "They're solving a mystery!"

Baseball or Cabinetry?

Drew opened every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen and declared "It's Opening Day!"

Put the Mouse Back in the House

Mike and I had to go to an early meeting, so we dropped Drew off at Kattie's for a couple hours. As we drove along 405, Drew noted that there was a huge hole in the crotch of his pants. Given his recent shunning of underpants, this meant all of his...assets...were on full view. I warned Kattie her girls might get an eyeful, Drew being a typical male and obsessed, if not proud, of his penis.
After I picked him up, I sent Kattie a text thanking her for watching him. Her response:
"No prob! My fave part was when he was laying on the floor spread eagle and yelling 'It won't stay in!!'"

Body Image

While I was getting dressed, Drew repeatedly tried to get behind me and pinch and/or smack my butt.
"Drew. That is MY butt, you don't touch it. If you want to touch a butt, touch your own."
"But moooom! Your butt is so jiggly and fun to play with!"
FML

In the Garden

While gardening yesterday, I dropped a trowel on my foot.
B: "Ouch!"
D: "What, mommy?"
B: "I dropped the small shovel on my foot!"
D: "Shit!"
B: "What??"
D: "Oopsie daisy!"

National Bird

As the Fourth of July approaches, many fireworks stands appear along the roadsides. One near our house features an enormous blow-up American eagle with an American flag-draped body.
"Look, Drew!"
"Oooh, it's a seahawk! Wearing pajamas!"

Did He Use a Slide Rule For That?

Drew wandered inside to take Mike's handheld video game to him. When he came back outside, I asked him if Mike had appreciated Drew's bringing it to him.
Drew replied, "According to my calculations...yes."

Red blooded

While out at dinner tonight, Drew looks at me and says "What up? That's hello in American."

I am as always, speechless

Screaming Strawberry Mama

While at my parents' house last week, I bit into a just-picked strawberry, and an earwig crawled out. It freaked me out so much, I ran around the house screaming for several minutes, which in turn scared Drew, who was watching a movie with my mom in the other room.

Later, mom and Drew had resumed their movie when he turned to her and said "You know, this never would have happened if you hadn't planted those strawberries."

A few minutes after that, dad and I were laughing heartily at something or other. Apparently we could be heard in the other room, because Drew looked at my mom, threw up his hands in exasperation, and blurted, "What now?!"

On Boobies

I got out of the shower, and Drew said "What are those pointy things on your boobies, mom?"
"Ummm...nipples?"
"What are those for?"
"Well, one theory is...they fed you until you were about 14 months old."
"Huh."
We then discussed the supply and demand theory of breastfeeding. He asked appropriate questions, and I tried to reply thoughtfully. After a while, he said, "Okay, mom. That's enough boobie talk."

Mega Thrusters are Go!

They should just start as Voltron.

I'm Starting to Get Worried...

Apropos of nothing:
"When I grow up, you guys are gonna be dead. That will be sad."

Birds & Bees

Drew and Isabella, one of the neighbor girls got "married" last weekend, and a lot of time this week has been spent discussing four year old view on marriage, children, birth, and gender roles. Gems include:

"William's mommy went to the hospital to have William but she couldn't get him out so they cut open her tummy and took him out then they sewed her up!"

"When we grow up and you die (there's that parental death wish again!) I will be the daddy and Isabella will be the wife and we will have two kids, a boy and a girl, and Isabella will push them out like a poop!"

After an altercation: "I'm not marrying you anymore!" Oh, young love. If only it were that easy.