Put the Mouse Back in the House

Mike and I had to go to an early meeting, so we dropped Drew off at Kattie's for a couple hours. As we drove along 405, Drew noted that there was a huge hole in the crotch of his pants. Given his recent shunning of underpants, this meant all of his...assets...were on full view. I warned Kattie her girls might get an eyeful, Drew being a typical male and obsessed, if not proud, of his penis.
After I picked him up, I sent Kattie a text thanking her for watching him. Her response:
"No prob! My fave part was when he was laying on the floor spread eagle and yelling 'It won't stay in!!'"

Body Image

While I was getting dressed, Drew repeatedly tried to get behind me and pinch and/or smack my butt.
"Drew. That is MY butt, you don't touch it. If you want to touch a butt, touch your own."
"But moooom! Your butt is so jiggly and fun to play with!"
FML

In the Garden

While gardening yesterday, I dropped a trowel on my foot.
B: "Ouch!"
D: "What, mommy?"
B: "I dropped the small shovel on my foot!"
D: "Shit!"
B: "What??"
D: "Oopsie daisy!"