Vacuum Man

The other day, Drew needed something to carry a couple of small toys; I suggested he go get his vacuum bag, a small, handled bag I made for him with a (surprise!) applique of a vacuum cleaner on the front. Thus began a discussion about Drew's two-year long obsession with vacuums. I had forgotten a lot of this, so I decided to write it down. It started when he was about a year and a half old; suddenly, he spent a lot of time looking at and talking about our vacuum cleaner.

Over the next few months, his obsession continued. Sunday mornings, as I read the paper, he would ask for the "macuum" section, and I would dutifully tear out the ads featuring vacuum cleaners for him. Any trip to Costco, I built in an extra twenty minutes so he could fondle the new models in the "macuum aisle." My dad was left in charge of Drew while I was at the hospital for my niece, Alexis' birth; on my suggestion, he took him to Ace Hardware for a tour of their floor-cleaning section. I turned to etsy for a t-shirt that would express his love. Christmas and birthday gifts were easy; at one point we had two toy vacuums and a toy dustbuster. He liked to take a turn when it was time to vacuum our carpets, but I'm sad to say his love of vacuums didn't extend to obsessive USE of the item. And, after a couple of years, his interest petered out. Apparently this phenomenon is not uncommon. In any case, Drew really enjoyed hearing all the things I could remember about this odd, quirky time in his life, and I had a good laugh remembering.

Vignettes

Earlier this week, Drew was invited on a quick grocery trip with our neighbor Lisa and her two daughters. As they were checking out, Drew deadpanned to the checker, "She's not my mommy. She stole me from my mommy."

---

Just now, "Can you be a sweetie and get me set up with my dulce de leche?"

Potty Mouth

D: Mom, today at school I put my tongue on the urinal.
B: *gags* WHAT!!!!???? Why, WHY would you do something like that????
D: I'm practicing to be on "America's Funniest Home Videos."

Too Realistic

On receiving the Disneyland Adventures game for Kinect, Drew asked,
"Do I have to wait in lines and stuff?"

Wayback Edition

When Drew was just a toddler, I once steam cleaned the carpets, leaving behind clumps of hair (we have two cats, fur everywhere!). I asked Drew to help out by picking them up, and gave him a baby wipe to pick them up with. I checked on him a couple minutes later, and he was going from clump to clump, picking them up and muttering "JesusChrist" each time. That's when I realized what I look and sound like every time I clean up a pile of cat vomit. Little mimic.

Empire Builder

Drew, noticing Mike playing a new video game on his laptop, asks what the object of the game is.
M: Building an empire.
D: Evil?

On the Record

Mom, on the record, I love you very much.
:)

Again, Without Words

I came downstairs this morning, and asked Drew if Abby, our dog, had gone outside yet.
"Yes."
"Did she go potty?"
"I sniffed her vagina and I think so. I'm an expert vagina-sniffer."
"...."

Faith of a Child

In the car today, Drew and I discussed Christianity.
B: A Christian is someone who believes in God and loves Jesus.
D: Am I a Christian?
B: What do you think?
D: Well, I do believe in God, and Jesus. And I would never pull the beard off a Santa Claus like that mean girl in Rugrats. I believe in him, too.

Secret Ingredient

Last night we were enjoying some hot chocolate (oh, summer, how you've failed us!), and I asked Drew how it tasted.
"It's delicious, because it's made with love!"
Indeed.

I'm ready for my breakfast, now!

Drew and I got off to a rocky start this morning; he sequestered himself in his room and I've been enjoying a quiet morning downstairs. However, at regular intervals, he is yelling down the stairs, "Mommy! When you are ready to make my breakfast you can bring it up to me. Anytime now!"
Keep dreaming, kid.

Multi-Lingual

Drew just told me that Scooby Doo calls Shaggy, "Raggy" because he speaks in a different language, just like Grady. "You know, like he says 'Hi Dwoo!'"
(Grady is a four-year old neighbor boy)

Rapture

From the backseat: "Guitars?? I thought he only ate cars??"

Baginas

Mom, girls have cooties.
Mom, what are cooties?
Well, if you don't know what cooties are, maybe you shouldn't talk about them?
*silence*
Mom, are cooties baginas?

Capable

I was telling Drew we should take advantage of the nice day to finally spread the horse manure compost I picked up a few weeks back.
"Mom, you are fully capable of spreading the horse poop around by yourself."
It's good to be capable. Fully.

Whiner

Drew's front two teeth have loose for a while now. In the last few days the right one has gotten very loose. While on a bus-ferry outing with Beth yesterday, she convinced him to twist it around, thinking that it would just pop out, it didn't. What it did do is hurt and piss him off. So much so that he refused to sit with her on the bus. When he got home he fell asleep on the couch. Beth suggested we wake him up and make him go to bed. I told her we should wait for him to get into deeper sleep and then yank the tooth. After a while, I scrubbed up, grabbed a tissue and went in after it. It either hurt more than we thought or he wasn't as asleep as we thought. He immediately started thrashing around and whining. We were commited to removing the tooth. Finally, I held him down and Beth reached in and pulled it.

For the next 15 minutes, he layed on her lap whining and crying....in his sleep. We felt really bad and were worried that he would be even more mad at us when he woke up.

Holding the tooth in my open hand, I say to him, "Hey Drew look what I have!"

He wakes right up, stops whining and responds with, "What is that? Is that my tooth?" Looks at his reflection in the window. "Well, what do you know?" Climbs off Beth's lap and heads off to the restroom like nothing happened.

Tell Me Where It Hurts

Drew complained that he had an owie, "between my hips and my upper part." I said, "So your tummy hurts?" Yep.

Homonym

At breakfast with grandpa:
D: "This toast is damn good!"
G: "Little boys don't use the word 'damn' in a sentence."
D: "Duuuh! It was a beaver dam!

Off to Work

As Grandpa was leaving for work this morning, I said "Off to the salt mines?"
Drew says, "No, mama, he's off to the rat race!"

Pot, Meet Kettle

Drew was at his friend Gibson's house earlier today, and at one point Gibson's brother Grady was having a bit of a meltdown. Drew was there to share this astute observation:
"What a sad, sad child."